Williams-Sonoma is Evil

Who in the hell eats Chocolate filled pancakes first thing in the morning?

I’m looking at a Williams-Sonoma catalog right now. I get them every other week, or it seems like every other day recently with the Christmas holiday upon us, and I am aghast with the food they sell this time of the year.

Don’t get me wrong – I love Williams-Sonoma as a company. They sell some of the best cooking and baking products out there (although I have to readily admit I needed some serious guns to work that potato ricer I bought a few years back). But, it’s at this time of year I seriously drool and am in economic shock (pass the heart paddles please), at the prices they charge for the food they sell in their catalog.

Just looking at the giant caramel apples, blissful brownies, handcrafted toffee and their red velvet cake make me want to jump off the diet train and order all of it…just for me. Screw the rest of ya! This is my haul, baby and no one’s getting their hands on these delicacies!!!

Then I get a grip on myself when I see the prices.  $65.00 for the cake? Crap – Flour at the grocery store costs what, $1.29 a bag? Oh, and that giant caramel apple? After wiping the drool off the catalog page where the price was printed, I noticed those suckers cost $23.00 a piece. For an apple? they look like apples on steroids, and they have chocolate and nuts on them…what makes them $23.00? Oh, that’s right…..It’s a “Williams-Sonoma” giant caramel apple.

They used to sell just desserts this time of year, but a few years ago, they branched into all the major food groups: Bread, Dairy and Meat. Got Morning Buns? Who doesn’t? But, you can get a whole dozen of them for $44.00. Your morning buns are probably nice and warm when you get up, but Williams-Sonoma’s come frozen…..so there.

Then there’s the whole cheese category. They also throw in salami’s and nuts just to tempt you even more. Global Cheeses are what they sell at Italian, Stilton and French collections. These cheese tidbits run you anywhere from $60 – 90 bucks. You can get the details on what each collection has by going to the Williams-Sonoma site for yourself.

If you’re short on time and throwing a party, no worries! Just empty out your bank account and order yourself some pigs in a blanket for $40.00. Don’t worry – you get 24 of them! Jeeeeez….Hello Pillsbury Crescent Rolls and Hillshire Farm little wienies! That cost me at whole $6.50 and it made at least twice that many. But, you pay for convenience, so don’t forget that meatball collection for $60 bucks, or the handmade tamales for $55.00. (Actually, those maybe worth it). Home made tamales rock….Which leads me to another question….Who makes the Home made tamales at Williams-Sonoma? Do they have slave labor in their “Tamale Room” where people work their asses off 24/7 making several different kinds of tamales? I stay up nights thinking about these things….

One last thing: Their meat. Who orders meat thru mail order? I just can’t do it. I like to see the meat before I purchase it…I mean, like…in person with a butcher with plastic gloves handling it for me as I watch him wrap it in butcher paper, sealing it with the price tag.  From Willie Bird Smoked Turkey (whatever the hell that means), to cured, smoked and glazed hams, they’ve gone overboard with the meat. They even sell a crown roast of pork for christ sake! $190 bucks. Who spends $200 bucks for meat? Raise your hand…I want a count!

One last thing (I swear this is the last thing….I lied in the other paragraph). They also sell seafood. Salmon Florentine en croute? Look….I can’t see the salmon since it’s encrusted with “en croute”, so what the hell am I eating, really? I am just one of those people who need to see, sniff, the food before I eat it. I’m sorry Williams-Sonoma. Your desserts are probably not a problem for me to indulge in, but the other stuff…..as my cousin Linda would say, “NOT SO MUCH.”

Who buys meat and seafood online thru mail order? Have you had successes or failures? I’d really like some feedback on this one and I’d like to know if the price was worth the ingestion.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s