Company Christmas Parties and The Lampshade

As far as holiday parties go, the company Christmas party is a party that one must attend. Why? Well, otherwise you’ll get the stink eye from your boss, your co-workers will be asking you the endless question of, “Where were you???”, and most importantly, you’ll miss out on who will be wearing the Lampshade.

Alot of people like to avoid company holiday parties because they don’t know how to mingle, or what to wear (sexy thigh highs or plain nude hose…hmmmm…choices, choices…). And, of course, when liquor is involved at a company party, people often find themselves in the throws of either being overly friendly or being the victim of somebody who is overly friendly.

Psssst…..This is where The Lampshade comes in.

So, I’ve been reading that more companies are planning on serving alcohol at their company parties this year. I guess they figure with the hard economic times we’ve all been struggling with, they should let their workers have the opportunity to do something ridiculously stupid and have it later seen on YouTube.

In order of holiday “appropriateness”, I thought I’d rattle off  just a few tips of what NOT to do at your company Christmas party so you can still go to work the next day with your head held high rather than traveling the cubicle walk of shame.

1. “I’ve only had, like 2 thrinks……er…drinks.” If you want to ruin your rep at work, getting drunk at the hoilday party is the WAY to go! But, people tend to overindulge, not keep track of what their drinking or how many they’re drinking and they end up hanging on one of your co-workers (or you) like a bad, oversized Christmas sweater, or dry humping your bosses wife’s leg.

Here’s the deal: You can get fired for doing stupid crap at a holiday party because you’re drunk, and you really can’t blame the booze for your evidence left behind because truth of the matter is…’re an adult. So, if you want to drink at a company Christmas party, it’s cool….just keep it to one or two and then STOP.

How to stop you ask?  Keep your hands full. And, I don’t mean with other stuff that will get you fired, if you know what I mean. Appetizers in one hand, and a Diet Coke in another is not a bad idea for starters. Otherwise, network with people you’ve wanted to meet during work hours, but just haven’t had the time. If you want to make a good impression with someone in a different department, blurting out “Nice Rack!” while you stumble into her  after three gin and tonics will certainly be a deal breaker.

2. Don’t Overdress. If you were choosing between fishnet stockings and black tights, and chose the fishnet stockings, you are definitely going down the wrong path, sister.  Nothing screams, “Let’s Pole Dance!” like fishnet stockings and a short, tight, skirt.

The other issue is wearing the Crown Jewels of Europe. Other than being honored at the Kennedy Center, leave the oversized bling at home. Wear non-revealing clothes with minimal jewelry. You don’t have to look like a bookworm, but don’t look like Snooki either.

3. “So, I hear you’re pregnant,” As you’re looking at your 7 month’s pregnant co-worker. Really? Do we need to get personal on stuff? “Hey, do you know of a good Orthopedic guy who can remove a hang nail from my big toe? Wanna see it???”  You get my point.

4. Lastly, don’t bitch about your job or the place where you work. Remember, they’re throwing this party for you and have given you a job that puts food on your table. Don’t blow it by saying something that will get back to your management.


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