Bad Gifts

So, we’re past the holiday hump. At least the big one which involves all those gifts. Lest, we not forget that Christmas isn’t about gift giving. But, let’s face it: For the most part, it’s become a double edged sword. You love giving a gift to see the look of gratitude on their faces and the pure joy of seeing them smile when they open up a present. The other part is when you receive a gift and it’s pretty hideous. It’s ridiculous. It’s a “What the hell were you thinking that I’d ever want something like this?” gift.

I’ve received a few of those in my time, and thought I would share one or two particular gifts that have been scorched into my memory from the, “I can’t even believe I got this from you” syndrome. The first gift I received years ago looked like this:



What is it? Yeah, that’s what I said when I unwrapped it. It is a monkey wearing a sailor hat, can’t you see that? Ah, but it gets better! It’s functional! It’s a cookie jar.

Now, for those who know me (and, this particular person obviously didn’t), sailor hat monkey cookie jars are not something I collect. I don’t like sailors. I don’t particularly like monkeys, although I do a pretty good impersonation of one, and lastly, this item would look better sitting on a table at my yearly garage sale than it would sitting on top of my kitchen counter in my contemporary kitchen.

Yes – it’s the thought that counts, isn’t it? And, that’s why the day AFTER Christmas, the return lines at all the stores are miles long, as you wait to get your money back or exchange the sailor hat monkey cookie jar you received because you thought it “didn’t fit”, or it was the “wrong color”. How about the truth??? IT SUCKS AS A GIFT, and I want cash back so I can get something I can actually use……like a toaster that pops up plastic army men.

The second gift that I received was from my Grandma. Now, at the time I was about 11 or 12 and was starting to obtain my own “fashion sense”. Ponchos were in vogue back then, and whaddya know??? They’re back in vogue now! Maybe I should have kept it….but, NO.

It looked something like this:

And, no, that’s not me. It it were me, I wouldn’t have a forced smile on my face, but my middle finger may be up….

Couldn’t I get Colorforms instead? What about record albums, or even a record player? I wasn’t a big poncho fan at the time because I was fat as a kid. Ponchos really didn’t provide that “slimming” look fat 11 year old girls were looking for.

So, what about you? What’s the worst gift you’ve ever received? Please post your comments here on not on my Facebook please!


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