Gym Rules

I’m a regular at the gym. So are my husband and son. Call us Gym Rats. Call us Health Nuts. Call us Nuts….

So, we’ve ended the month of January, the month of “Resolutions”, or as Oprah would say, “Live Your Best Life!”, and are now entering the month of February, which could mean for some, “I FRICKING GIVE UP”, or “I’m Sticking With It!”

Well, good for you for sticking with it! And, being regulars at the gym, the three of us in our household have noticed some “things” that we see often that really shouldn’t be seen.

In order to establish a level playing field and non-distracting place to exercise, I’ve compiled a list of rules, based on a very lengthy and raucous discussion with the family:

Gym Rules (Pay attention people. Some of these may apply to YOU)

1. Respect Personal Space. If I have a gym mat and a towel laying on the floor next to a piece of equipment, don’t think you can step on said towel with your dirty, slosh infested gym shoe and not expect me to say anything. Additionally, if I’m using a piece of equipment, gym etiquette calls for the person who wishes to use it to ask the current user if it’s ok to “work in with them”. Don’t just take over the space like you own a property from Monopoly. If someone was there first, RESPECT THEIR SPACE.

2. Attire. This covers so many categories, I don’t know where to begin. First of all, Spandex is a priviledge, not a right. Don’t wear bike shorts if you weigh over 200 pounds. Dude – it’s not flattering. Then, you have the ladies who like to dress up like strippers. I’m not quite sure where that girl found the leopard print bra, but I’m pretty sure bras should be worn UNDERNEATH clothing. Maybe a zebra print Sports Bra would be more appropriate if you like animal patterns. And lastly, what’s with the towel on the head? Why do people think that putting a sweat towel over your head is going to magically make you lose more weight? Are you in the witness protection program? Do you want to be Amish? Are you impersonating someone who looks like an idiot? You’re doing a great job of it.

3. Clean Up After Yourself. If you’re dripping sweat on equipment and leave. I’ll hunt you down and give you some wipes from the dozen or so wipe machines around the facility to clean up your sweaty mess. You are not a petri dish to be shared as an appetizer for others’ to get sick.  And, if you use weights, PUT THEM BACK when you’re done. Who wants to waste 20 minutes of their time hunting down a 35 pound curl bar by the mens room, when it should be put back in its proper home? Not me, but that’s what I’m doing……

4. Crop Dusting is Forbidden. For those who don’t understand the term, “Crop Dusting”, this is a person who lets one rip as they walk on by, leaving a rather unpleasant odor behind them. Can I point you to the nearest restroom, Sir?

5. Is this a Social Chat Room? Seriously? At one time, I watched a guy chat it up with the lady at the front desk for 20 minutes. He then proceeded to walk into the workout area, walked up to the TV’s, walked back, and then found a few more people to talk to before he started walking on the treadmill while reading his rented library book. From the time I observed him until the time I left the gym, he worked out for a total of 15 minutes. I was there for 1 1/2 hours.

In addition to “those guys”, you have the “other guys” who talk so loud when they’re together it becomes a distraction. It’s like a bunch of Italians getting together for a family get together. Who can talk the loudest? Even with my deaf hearing, I can hear them thru my special high tech devices! Which leads me to my next point….

6. What’s with the 10 pound headphones? WITH ANTENNA???  Are you trying to reach a distant relative on Mars? Hey…pssssst……they have little ear buds you can use now, buddy…..step away from the time machine……

7. Aaaaaaah……nothing like a nice steam after a hard workout. I wrap a towel around me and grab another to sit on and walk into….WHOAH…..nude people in a steam room. NOT COOL. If you’re Tom Brady’s wife, it wouldn’t be so bad, but let’s face it – these people are here to LOSE weight.  So, when going into the steam room, let’s cover it up, people. I don’t need to see your private parts.

8. Lastly, when you’re in the locker room changing, I better not see your bare butt sitting on any locker room bench. That’s just WRONG. Use a towel, your coat, someone’s scarf, your own shoes…I DON’T CARE…..just don’t sit on the bench with your naked ass. It’s not sanitary!

Be safe at the gym, People. It’s crazy out there.

The Management.


3 thoughts on “Gym Rules

  1. Do not post this at the health club unless you want to add:
    9. And control your bladder when reading my blog. I’ll mop after my 14-year-old dog Sadie at home, but cleaning after a grown-up who lacks bladder control is something, A, I’m just not into; B, Will never be into; and C, Creeps me out.

    1. You’re quite welcome, Sebastian. Having been a gym rat most of my life, encountering “crop dusters,” people who look like they’re ready to do some serious pole dancing and others who feel that showing their genitals thru their very short shorts is just the “gym-appropriate” thing to do, I felt it was my obligation to correct them on my blog. Most of them probably didn’t recognize themselves because I still see it happening. Thanks for reading! I really appreciate it!

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