I Do’s, and Flowers and Champagne…Oh My!


My niece is getting married this weekend. It’s like the Superbowl is happening 3 months early.

With excited anticipation, my family is on pins and needles this week acting like kids with ADD because the only thing we can seem to focus on is what’s going to happen Friday thru Sunday.

The apocalypse can descend from the heavens, but we would find a way to have this wedding, damnit! Earthquake? Screw that! We’ll get hard hats on order (I’m sure my sister has already thought of that). Tsunami? Don’t make me chuckle – the bridesmaids dresses convert to scuba gear with a pull of a zip cord. We got it covered, baby!

I mean, we’re not talking the usual wedding here. This is SUPER important because she’s my niece. I still remember seeing her cute, pink, naked body at the hospital the day she was born….all 9 lbs. 6 ounces of her. She was a big baby! And, considering my sister was lilliputian, all I could say was, “OUCH!”

Now, she’s grown into such a lovely, young, vivacious, and funny woman who is about to marry a big, bad ass ex-college football player whom she met in college. We, the family – say, “I DO” to Matt Moses wholeheartedly. If my parents were alive, they would also think the same……

Well, maybe not mom – she would have put Matt thru the pasta test. If he didn’t pass, he’d be on her shit list for years.

Not being an expert on marriage (I failed on the first one), but got much wiser and smarter in my choices as I got older having nabbed me a keeper the second time around), I think this nominates me to provide my niece with some sound marital advice on what it takes to keep a marriage alive and not on a respirator with a non-existent pulse after 3 years into it and then, even a difibrilator wouldn’t help revive it….not that I’ve been there or anything…..

So, without further ado here is my top ten list on tips for a successful marriage (drum roll please…..):

1. Don’t take each other for granted. Ah, so easy to say, yet so hard to achieve. You say you’re not feeling well? Don’t expect someone to do something for you without asking. Never assume and take for granted that they will do something for you because they can all of a sudden read your mind. Ask, and you shall receive…as long as you’re nice about it.

2. Always say I love you. Everyday. I don’t care if you ran over a cat on the way home and walked on cut glass in the garage causing you to almost bleed to death in the E.R. Or, if the house is on fire and  you need to jump from the second story window and it’s 11:58 pm at night, yet the thought of “Oh, Gosh…I didn’t tell Matt I loved him today” crossed your mind, yell it from the top of your lungs before you jump out of that window and into his arms below. Life’s too short – you never know how long you have to spend with one another.

3. If you say you’re gonna do something, then do it…..like, NOW. Don’t say you’ll fix the garbage disposal at 9 am and then not do it until 5 pm when dinner needs to be made…or worse yet, not do it at all. Procrastinating ruins a marriage – that’s what causes people to forget Hallmark cards on important, yet useless days like Sweetest Day and results in pissed off partners for the rest of the day and/or weeks that follow.

4. In a bad mood? Keep it to yourself. It’s not your husband and/or wife’s fault that you’re in a bad mood unless he or she started it to begin with, then it’s a fair fight. But, for the sake of this list, we’re talking about bad moods NOT caused by your significant other. If you don’t want to talk about it, fine. Just don’t mope around the house and start kicking the dog. Go to your personal space and vent by yourself. Once you feel better, then talk to them about it. Add a bottle of wine with that.

5. Pay attention. What? I said……PAY ATTENTION. Listen to what the other person is saying to you. Now, that’s really hard for ME, and I find myself apologizing alot for not hearing what Dave said, but I have an excuse. You, however, can’t play that card. Being a good listener is better than being a good talker. Do you like anyone who is a good talker? I don’t. If you talk too much, have a bottle of wine with that….it will make the talking less painful.

6. Don’t get sloppy and mind your manners. Just because you’re married now doesn’t mean you can wear your sweatpants with the gazillion holes in them six out of the seven days of the week. It also doesn’t mean you can lounge on the couch with your hand in your pants while watching football……or a cooking show. Why would someone put their hand in their crotch area anyway???? I never understood that. I’m sure there’s a government study about that somewhere…….

7. Keep your sense of humor. The all important part of a marriage is to keep things in perspective and don’t sweat the small stuff. Laugh it off. Think about more unfortunate circumstances you could find yourself in and laugh about what just happened. I mean, you could be in Somalia with flies all over your face in a dust storm….while wearing contact lenses. This to me, isn’t funny.

8. Compromise is good…..as long as it’s a two way street. If one of you is always compromising, it ain’t good, and that person who is always compromising will get pissed off one day and say, “I’ve had it!!!” This normally is followed by a shocked look on the other person’s face along with a, “What did I do?” response.

Shocker.

So, maybe this goes hand in hand with not taking the other for granted (see number 1). Don’t expect someone to always be picking up the pieces for you when you should BOTH be picking them up, assembling them together and making a nice puzzle of life for the two of you at the same time.

9. Honor your vows. Enough said.

10. Don’t go to bed angry. Alot of people say this, and it’s true. Talking about a problem before you go to sleep is much better than waking up angry and getting a crappy nights sleep because you don’t want to encroach on the other person’s side of the mattress for fear of touching them. I mean, that means you apologized….in your sleep.

Oh, and stay sexy. Lots of kisses and hugs and touching leads to other great stuff! Don’t lose that loving feeling!!!!

I wish my niece and Matt many years of wedded bliss, happy memories and alot of laughs. It appears you are well on your way to achieving this – I love you both very much!!!

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2 thoughts on “I Do’s, and Flowers and Champagne…Oh My!

  1. How amazing is this!!! Thank you Auntie Nancy – and I agree, I think Grandma & Grandpa would love him!!!! But Matt is probably happy he didn’t have to study up for the big test 🙂 Can’t wait to get pampered and party with you 🙂 I LOVE YOU!!!

  2. Great post. What a wonderful gift to give to your niece. When my daughter, Natalie, got married two years ago in New Orleans on Halloween, the Judge Judy-like judge who presided offered a list that was remarkably similar (except for the hand-on-the-crotch part). Have a spectacular weekend!

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