Thanks – No Really.


Thursday is Thanksgiving for any of those out there who have been living under a rock or buried in your job to the point that you just looked at the calendar and realized you will have a day or possibly two (if you’re lucky), off of work this week.

Most people look at Thanksgiving as a day to be thankful for certain things in your life. Others look at the day to eat an enormous amount of food, take a nap and watch football.

I for one, have a list for things I am thankful for. And, as usual, they are probably on your list as well, but you dare not say them out loud. Allow me to help out:

1. I am thankful I don’t have bad taste in clothes. I can match my pants with my shirt and have tasteful accessories. I don’t need Garanimals to get me dressed in the morning.

2. I am thankful that the Starbucks guy knows exactly what I want when I walk in. If I spread my arms out wide, he knows I want a Vente. If I make a little gesture, he knows it’s a Grande.

3. I am thankful that we have a snowblower this year, because the 1/2 mile of driveway we have will cause me to throw my back out if I have to hand shovel it. My husband said he would show me how to operate it. I refuse because I know it will only amount to a dangerous accident on my part.

4. I am thankful I am clumsy so I don’t have to deal with #3 above.

5. I am thankful for the cheery Christmas decorations they have put up in my town. It prevents me from pulling my hand out of my pocket and slapping someone in the back of the head when I’m in a bad mood.

6. I’m thankful for radio station 93.9 fm which now plays Christmas music when it isn’t even Thanksgiving. Even though I can’t really hear what the song is, if it’s an oldie, I’ll pick up on it and sing along much to my husband’s dismay. “Silver and Gold….Silver and Gold….” Sing along! A quarter prize for the person who can tell me who sings that song.

7. I’m thankful I know how to make homemade stuffing using real bread and not that precut, dried out, diced crap you see in a bag at the store. It looks like cardboard for God’s sake. Cardboard with gravy on top….Mmmmmmm.

8. I’m thankful for my day planner for which I would not know what to do on any given day of the week unless I’ve written it down on a different day to which I don’t recall.

9. I’m thankful for the lady at the store who happens to wave me over to her register since she is just opening up which saves me from having to wait in line behind a woman who is WRITING A DAMN CHECK.

10. I am thankful for left hand turn lanes as well as right hand turn lanes so that the slow ass people in front of me give me room to gun it and go straight ahead….just in time to make the red light.

11. I am thankful for the Egyptian Fast Food place called “WoW”. I’m not kidding – it’s Egyptian Fast food. What IS Egyptian fast food anyway? I’m just thankful for it because it provides another place for people to go to and stay away from Pier 1.

12. I am thankful for a washer and dryer and not some old fashioned scrub board. I’d be doing laundry endlessly. It would be like laundry hell. That’s where God sends you when you don’t know how to dress (see number 1), NOR use a hamper, but choose to throw your dirty laundry around the hamper….

13. I am thankful to the people who invented vodka and wine. Not mixed together, but singularly.

14. I am thankful for those antiseptic wipes at the grocery store before I put my hands on the grocery cart handle….especially after I see a little kid cough and sneeze on one – adults too.  UGH.

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