I am No Imelda Marcos

I hate shopping for myself. I know. I’m a woman, for christ sake and I hate shopping for myself. For others I’m more than happy to pick out the perfect “something”, but for me I really don’t have the patience and would rather use my time doing something else.

I actually bought 3 new bras just last week after neglecting my private collection for almost two years. How sad is that??

This is really hitting home lately because I find that the only pair of shoes that seem appropriate to wear during the winter months that I own are my gym shoes or big, clunky black winter boots.

I now have a shoe dilemma.

Most women reading this will probably say that they’ve kicked out their significant other’s belongings from the closet they share because your shoes are taking up most of the real estate. I have shoes – don’t misunderstand. However, I don’t have the right shoes for like…..NOW.

The last thing I’m going to do is walk around in my Jimmy Choos when there is fresh snowfall on the ground. I fall and crack my head open in my own house, so let’s not even go there with walking in heels in the great outdoors. I’m not kidding – I need those no-skid socks like little kids who are just learning to walk. I’ve fallen on my wood floors more than three times since we’ve been in our new place. I feel like I need a walker or warning the people in the house (i.e. my husband), that I’m walking down the stairs by yelling, “I’M WALKING DOWN THE STAIRS!!!” He responds with, “DO YOU NEED A HELMET??”

Maybe I should walk down the stairs with a knife in my hand and ask that he be at the bottom step to greet me. This way, his body would break my fall, and I can impale him with a sharp object, or better yet, IF I was going to wear a helmet, I could break a few ribs.

So, what shoes do I own? Alot of summer sandals, that’s for sure.  Maybe because I never know which of the six pairs of jean shorts I’m going to wear that day will match. Seriously. I’m that lame. And, maybe I have so many sandals because I would really like to have longer summers here. Longer summers = more sandals.

I have boots: Italian suede and black leather for jeans, and black and brown high boots for leggings or ……yeah – leggings. Why do they call them leggings anyway? Any fashionista out there want to help answer that question? I’m all ears. I don’t wear skirts or dresses. That’s saved up for fancy occasions like weddings or funerals.

I work from home people. I don’t have to play dress up every single day. I wear jeans and a sweater (with my new bra) and non-skid socks, which by the end of the night are covered with dog hair. Thankfully, I haven’t downgraded to wearing the old “housecoat”, as they used to call them, with a wad of kleenex stuck in my pocket. Look how stylish they try to make this housecoat? ———>

Pretty funny. And, adding that hat really puts it over the top. Oh, and don’t forget those shoes! She’s wearing heels with her housecoat. Dang! now, that’s stylish.

Ok – where was I? Oh, yeah – shoes. So, now that it’s January, I have my Nikes. That’s it. When snow falls, or I have to go in the yard and pick up dog crap, it’s the big, black boots.

So, I need something fashionable without a tall heel so I don’t crack my skull open while walking in the house or outside of the house. I’ll take suggestions, but this is what I DON’T like:

1. Mary Janes. Paaaalease. Do I sound like a girl who would wear Mary Janes?

2. Velco ANYTHING. I haven’t reached that age yet, but you’d think I have with all the falling I’ve been doing lately.

3. Pleather. Do they make shoes out of pleather? Not sure – but not interested.

4. Five inch heels – Hello? Not a pole dancer……Thank you.

5. Any shoe that requires a small belt strap. For some reason, these always slip off the back of my heel and next thing I know, my shoe is off my foot and I’m still walking…..


Shoeless and Clueless


3 thoughts on “I am No Imelda Marcos

  1. Mary Janes (ala Barb Siegman)…. um, no. I’m with ya sister. I’ve gone so far as to research designing my OWN shoes… and I actually do have some “pleather” shoes…. it’s all I could find, so don’t laugh. It’s either 5 inches come f*&% me pumps, mary janes, ballet flats or boots. There are no “sensible and yet fashionable” shoes out there AT ALL.

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