Excessive Heat Warning…But Not For The Amish


This past Sunday my husband and I watched on our old fashioned iPad as a huge storm cell, which was mostly red on the radar, moved directly toward our town.

As we were carrying up an old washer and dryer from the basement to sell in my neighbor’s garage sale, the skies grew darker and darker until it was almost black outside.

Then the lights went out. Then they went back on. We carried the washing machine up the stairs and got up to the vestibule in our home, when the hurricane force winds decided to start.

90 m.p.h. winds with horizontal rain. We live in a very wooded section of our town and the majestic oak trees surrounding our house looked like they were swaying to Tina Turner’s, “Proud Mary”, but in triple time. It was a fast and furious storm that put us without power for 18 hours.

We were very fortunate. As of today, some people in our town and surrounding cities still do not have power.

So, as I laid on the ceramic floor in my home trying to stay cool that Sunday night, all I could think of was, “So, this is what the Amish lived like.” And, as usual, this is when my mind starting whirling about going back into time and putting on my little Amish cap and plain cotton blue dress, churning butter, milking cows, horse and buggy rides to go to the store for eggs (oh wait…I should have my own eggs because I would have my own chickens, no?), and baking my own bread from the flour I would have to get at the general store using my horse and buggy that my husband with a very long beard and no mustache would be driving while wearing a black hat and stern face.

Without electricity.

In 100 plus degree heat.

I could only think of two words when my mind took me into my little Amish world:  F*CK THAT.

Then, I took my memory machine back in the 1800’s and became a woman who had to wear long, heavy dresses in this oppressive heat, with a hat (to shield the sun from my eyes and keep the sweat from pouring down into my face). These women didn’t even have bathing suits until the late century! Talking in 19th century dialect and acting proper, referring to everyone starting with “Mr. and Mrs.”, washing my clothes with an old fashioned washboard, baking my own bread with flour (and eggs this time), bought at the general store, making lemonade from lemons and sugar and baking a chicken in 100 plus degree heat in my heavy, drape like “Gone With The Wind” tassled, drape like dress. Two words came into my mind as I saw myself dressed like this doing those things that women did back in the 1800’s: F*CK THIS.

It’s 85 degrees in my home at midnight, and so far I’ve been a Amish person churning butter and a woman wearing a heavy dress from the 1800’s. Then I started thinking about the dogs…….

Can someone please shove me off this crazy train? I really want to get some freakin’ sleep…..

All I can say is I’m REALLY GRATEFUL for Benjamin Franklin discovering electricity and the guy who invented air conditioning….whoever that was. Oh, and the inventor of the fan – the electric fan and ceiling fan – not the hand held 1800’s fan…. F*CK THAT.

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One thought on “Excessive Heat Warning…But Not For The Amish

  1. I love your blog it always makes me giggle. Your relatable stream of thoughts are very well expressed with wit and sarcasm.

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