Tips For The Office Christmas Party


Have you already made an ass out of yourself? I’m posting a little late in the holiday season, so instead of tips on how to avoid being an ass of yourself at your office Christmas party, I’m going to give you tips on things and people to avoid for your office Christmas party.

1. The guy or girl who is constantly flirting with you at the office. Chatting you up in your cubicle, stopping by unexpectedly with a pointless question, or just passing the time because they don’t feel “very productive.” After a few drinks under his/her belt (or panties), you betterback away from a bear watch for that sword and shield of bravery to come out. If they start getting a little too personal or start touching you, back away. Back away like you would back away when you see a big, black bear in the forest. Then run.

2. The Dancer. Just watch this video and you’ll see what I mean. Don’t be seen on the dance floor with this. Or better yet, if you dance like this (and most people will say they are FABULOUS dancers, better do a reality check and just stick with the white man overbite):

3. The Joker. The guy that can’t stop cracking jokes. The same jokes he tells at work. Day after day after day. Alzheimer’s? No. Idiot? Yes.

4. The Boss. Say hello immediately when you get there before you even had one drink. Otherwise, you may start to get mouthy and start sputtering out a few things your boss may not want to know about you. People start talking up their personal hygiene routines (I clip my toe nails at my desk), to “I’ve got this big, red scar from when I jumped off my fraternity roof in college. It’s on my ass….WANNA SEE????”

5. Don’t wear props. Santa hats? No. Elf Shoes? Double no. You are in the age of the santa hatsmartphone. Be smart.

6. Leave the fruit cake at home. I know you want to share your baking talents to people at work, but do it during the work week and not at the Christmas party. I’m sure your office party is being catered with plenty of stuff to go around, so leave that rum cake that can make anyone start talking like a drunken sailor, or fruit cake which can be used as a projectile inflicting serious head injuries, at home.

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