It is night. It is cold. It is dark (well, that’s because it’s night). You’re walking thru a dark alley to get to your car and a strange man jumps in front of you. He’s got a crazed look on his face. He is not looking at your purse either. What do you do? YOU GRAB YOUR BABY SEAL TASER AND TASER THE SHIT OUT OF HIM, THAT’S WHAT YOU DO!!!
Those innocent little baby seals pack a powerful punch.
After that horrific, terrifying incident, a nice hot shower would certainly calm your nerves, wouldn’t it? Oh, snap! You didn’t do the laundry and don’t have any towels. No worries there because Ron Popiel has answered your prayers (I’m not sure if he invented this thing, but it sounded good) Why, you ask? Because you have a tornado dryer system built right into your shower. Think of it as one of those hand air dryers in a public restroom, except this one dries off your entire body. It’s kinda like having your car go thru the car wash and it gets a power blow-dry at the end of the line.
I wonder if this thing can style your hair and put on your make-up too.
After that shower with tornado like blow-dry, I bet you want to snuggle up with a good book. Well, you created that nice little library of yours, so take a seat and grab a favorite book. Hmmmmm….I think the one I want is above my head. Wait. I think it’s under my feet. Shit – now I gotta get out of my chair (crane please), and find the damn book…..
Just as you’re opening up your book after you’ve fallen out of your chair, your phone rings. It’s your best friend inviting you out on the lake in her new boat!
How awesome is that! So, the next day you get to the dock and you see this boat is a little “different” than the others. Correct me if I’m wrong, but the purpose of a boat is for you to stay dry and out of the water. My friend told me that this was the, and I mean, the coolest thing…..EVER. Ok everyone! Get into the hot tub motor boat!!!!!!!!
Great. So excited.
As we’re on the boat, black clouds come thru from the west. Didn’t anyone check the weather report? WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!
No we’re not. No sir-eeeeeeee. That’s because you planned ahead and brought your Disaster Ball Pod. You shoved it in your purse. So, you get into your Pod (screw your friends since it only seats one person just like the President), and you make your way safely to shore. (How you got there I have no idea….just work with me here).
Whew! That was scarier than shit! Speaking of which, you need to go to the bathroom. It was fortuitous for you that your Disaster Ball Pod had a money toilet paper roll inside. So, you made it to the nearest bathroom and wiped yourself with Ben Franklin.
Really? That’s the end?
Really. Until next time…….