I’ve encountered a lot of strange stuff in my time.
I can only envision some things that would happen to me if I were given the chance and would certainly embrace if it occurred:
- I want to be one of those sausages that runs around the bases in Milwaukee. Yes, I want to be a sausage runner and run over all the other sausages, knocking them down like knockwurst and rather than slide into home base, just fall right onto the home plate ready for dinner. That would equal awesome with mustard on it.
- You see them all the time: Those big air inflated tunnel like figures that stand outside of car dealerships or car washes (what’s with the “car designation” anyway?). The tall, slim figure reaches about twenty feet high and has flailing arms as the air blower underneath just billows the plastic figure any which way it can to gain someone’s attention on the road. What would happen if you were to walk near one of those things and it suddenly grasped you and sucked you up? That would happen to me. I saw it in a commercial. That’s me. Totally me.
- I want to race around a track with a professional race car driver since I would obviously kill myself If I did it myself and scream at the top of my lungs like this guy did:
- Getting the chance to be in a commercial and just have a bit part in walking behind one of the main characters like Brad Pitt. As I walk past him, I would put up my two fingers behind his head to give him devil horns, and then keep on walking….and then pick up the pace.
- Getting the chance to meet Brad Pitt BEFORE the commercial mentioned above.
- My dog is a finalist in the Westminster Abbey Dog Show and I have to run him around the ring. Wearing my sensible shoes and conservative outfit with neck bow, I trip and fall on my dog. Game. Over.
- While visiting the Vatican, I had absolutely no idea that a new Pope had just been named. I wandered aimlessly away from the tourist group and ended up on the balcony behind Pope Francis I, as he was giving his speech. Did you see me waving?
- While standing in a very long line at a Starbucks I ALWAYS frequent, I just want to yell, “HEY! IT’S ME! GIVE ME THE USUAL!” I get to go ahead of the line and walk out with my drink within 3.2 minutes…..AND it’s free!
- Dance like a complete idiot since I can’t hear music and think I’m dancing like I’m at the Bolshoi. Elaine Benis anyone? I’ve done it. You’ve seen it. I’d do it again.
- If I were God, I would not be so forgiving of those individuals who think that painfully neglecting and punishing their animals is funny. I think there should be a stopping point between the gates of heaven and leaving earth. Kind of like the Peanuts booth where Lucy asks for 5 cents for therapy. There would be a short video played of the neglectful acts that this person has done to animals and then a trap door underneath them to send them straight to hell.
- Lastly, and most importantly, I want to be a Ninja. Period.