The Art of Unfriending on Facebook

facelessWhen I first signed up on Facebook back in, oh, I don’t know…..whatever year it was, I started immediately connecting with people from high school. I did this because it was a safe circle of friends and wanted to catch up on the thirty plus years of saying, “Hey! What’s Up?” with the common answer of “Oh, not much”. I also friended some close friends in my adult “mom” life as well. I reluctantly held off on friending anyone from work because you just don’t want to mix work with Facebook.

I started my own business and got to networking with some new people. LinkedIn was “ok” for me, but I truly would like to know from anyone of the two people who read my blog if LinkedIn has ever given you a solid gig. Anyway, let me stick with Facebook for this blog because that’s the title and I don’t want to confuse the two social mediums…or myself.

Friending people you network with on Facebook was a good start. I got to see another side of people who I would normally only interact with on a business level. Most were great to communicate with on Facebook. Others I wanted to punch in the throat.

Thus, the art of unfriending on Facebook began. I would often see statuses from my friends on Facebook who made vague comments such as, “Time to do a little cleaning around here.” Or, the latest one which I liked was, “It’s time to start some weeding.”

I don’t announce my unfriending. Just like Nike says, I “Just Do It.”

When I saw that “weeding” remark, I thought to myself that it may be a good time to do the same thing.  I went thru all of my friends and realized that I didn’t know about ten of them – maybe more. I racked my brain over where some of these people came from. Maybe this person had 12 mutual friends and I absolutely know for a fact that I have the WORST memory, so I must know this person from somewhere… Sadly, you are now unfriended since I really can’t remember anything about you. I’m sorry you aren’t that memorable to me, but we obviously didn’t share a lot of heartfelt moments and hilarious situations in order for me to remember you, so you are off my friend list.

Then I went onto the next step. I unfriended the people that are never on Facebook. They ask to be your friend, yet they post no profile picture and post nothing on their wall. It’s like they left the country. They are incognito to me when I see the faceless Facebook person profile picture. It’s scary. (knock, knock) Are you really there? Are you stalking people on Facebook and not posting anything? Are you in the witness protection program after you signed up to Facebook? WTF?

Here’s the deal: If you sign up to Facebook then use it. If you don’t and I friend you and haven’t seen you post anything for over a year, you are officially unfriended.

I hate clutter.

Digging deeper into my unwanted friends, I decided to get rid of those people who I hid in my newsfeed. To me, those were the folks who asked me to play Mafia wars twenty times a day. This was the person who posted ten times a day pictures of cute little kittens. This was the person who didn’t know how to upload pictures onto Facebook and has uploaded the same picture of herself taking a picture of herself in the mirror of her filthy bathroom using her cell phone six times. To you, I gladly say goodbye.

Lastly, I unfriend those that really just aggravate the hell out of me. This falls under two categories:

1. You make a post on Facebook and start a literary war, yet you are nowhere to be found to monitor and respond to the posts based on what you said. You’re gone –  just like Stacy Petersen. And, don’t tell me you had to wash your hair or had to go to work because that’s just bullshit. You sat back, drank your cocktail, and watched the fireworks fly while sitting so quietly in your office, living room or filthy bathroom you could hear a pin drop. This is where I drop you, my friend.

2. Those who every single day post something political. You know who you are. Yeah, yeah…blah, blah, blah…It’s my wall. I’ll post what I want. Well, guess what? I don’t have to see what you post either. It infuriates me that people use Facebook as a bully pulpit to beat up whatever party they hate. I don’t have the time, patience or blood pressure medication to read your political posts. When I see this crap, all I can visualize is someone in front of their computer actually banging on the keyboard and yelling at the computer screen while listening to AM radio and laughing at the same time. It ain’t right.

I have one word for you. Therapy.

I’m sure the two people who read this blog will be certain they are still friends of mine on Facebook. Oh, and if you are a stranger and want to friend me on Facebook, that’s not gonna happen, brotha.


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