Angry Pilgrims Unite!

Did you realize that Thanksgiving is next week? We, the Angry Pilgrims, know all about it, but some people prefer to ignore this holiday.

Yes, retailers, I’m talking to you. You ignore this day because unless you’re aangry pilgrim grocery store or turkey farmer, there’s nothing in it for you. I mean, what can you possibly sell to make a buck for Thanksgiving? Last time I checked, thankfulness doesn’t come in a jar.

Well, maybe it does if you use collagen cream.

Thanksgiving is about the four F’s: food, family, friends, and football–not necessarily in that order, either.

This is the only day of the year that you are allowed to feast on anything and everything you want. It’s a day to be grateful for the food on the table–and the job that helped pay for the food on the table. Eat all the damn pumpkin pie you want; shove cashews in your mouth like a squirrel storing up for winter.

Retailers jump from Halloween right to Christmas. There’s Christmas crap up all over the place even before Halloween is over. Why retailers shove Christmas down everyone’s throats? We know what day it is. Can’t you just leave it up to us to decide when to start stressing out about it?

This is why I love Thanksgiving out of any other holiday; no stress. No expectations. No disappointments (unless your meal sucks). No shopping for gifts that are expected from others. It’s just you and your family and friends eating a great, big, fattening, butter laden, starch infested, carb loaded meal that makes you want to fight over the lounge chair afterward.

However, now retailers have made you think about foregoing the lounge chair and start on your Christmas shopping right after that big, fattening, butter frozen action figuresladen, starch infested, carb loaded meal.  Some bigger stores are actually open on Thanksgiving, leaving the poor souls who have to work dealing with people who are in a food coma state, yet jacked up on enough caffeine to run them over to get the last Frozen action figure that’s left on the shelf.

Do they call Frozen characters action figures? I don’t know; maybe I’m too old for kid gifts. I’ve never even seen the movie.  That picture above? I don’t even know who those action figures are. I just Googled Frozen action figures and this came up.

I’m assuming they’re popular, and Google said I’m right. They are called “Action Figures.”

I do know that I was corrected one time when I asked my husband if he ever owned a G.I. Joe doll. He turned to me with a look of disdain and disgust saying, “G.I. Joe is an action figure, not a doll.”

Why is now Black Friday, Black Thanksgiving? What’s the fucking rush?? Again, I know what day it is. I know when I need to have my damn presents under the damn tree.

Christmas music is now playing non-stop in some places. Christmas music is also the only type of music that seems to get stuck in my head and replays itself over and over and over until after New Year’s.

I’ve become an Angry Pilgrim because retailers have completely shoved under the Christmas tree skirt the best holiday around because it requires zero work and one hundred percent enjoyment: Thanksgiving. There are no special office parties, open houses, cookie exchanges, concerts or plays. Your calendar is freed up. The entire week is practically a vacation for all of us. I bet where most people work, the phones are dead and you’re on Facebook most of the time, aren’t you?

Yes, my husband and I cook every year. It is the first holiday we ever spent together, and we intend to keep with the tradition to have this holiday in our home every year. We love to make a big meal for our family. We take pride in it, and our boys and family expect an excellent meal.

We have yet to disappoint.

So, listen up, retailers. Can you give cut us a little slack and let us digest our Thanksgiving meal before you start ramming Christmas down our throats? I mean, I know you need to pay your bills and it’s always about competition this time of year. But, some of us don’t give a damn. Some of us would actually like to enjoy the holidays–just not during August when we’re still mowing our lawns and picking weeds.

You’ll get your precious money, really. Again–we know what day it is. We can read a calendar.






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