Metaphorically Speaking


It’s the elephant in the room.

Well, in reality, if there were an elephant in the same room as me, I would feed it peanuts. However, if it were a white elephant, I would sell it to someone who wasn’t as smart as a fox.

Here are a few-or maybe more-metaphors:

Beating a Dead Horse

I know some people who like to get their point across like they’re beating a dead horse. It’s exhausting to listen to them, let alone watch them argue their point over and over again. I knew a woman where I used to live who would keep arguing about a topic if you disagreed with her. I felt like jabbing a fork in my throat. Maybe I should have jabbed a fork in her throat to stop her from beating a fucking dead horse.

Speaking of forks…

Fork In the Roadforkintheroad

Left or right? Should you say yes or no? Is your soul mate behind door number one or number two? You’re at a fork in the road and you need to make a decision on which to choose. But, you don’t know which one is better. This is why we…

Listen To Your Gut

Frankly, my gut doesn’t say anything. However, it definitely makes me feel a certain way about something. Why don’t we just call our guts intuition? My intuition has served me well. If you know yourself like I know myself, it will serve you well too. Next time you meet someone, just remember to…

Not Judge a Book by Its Cover

Some people may repulse you when you see them for the first time. Maybe they haven’t used deodorant, like, ever. Greasy hair. Bad teeth. Poor wardrobe choices. No wardrobe whatsoever. However, underneath the beaten exterior may be a person who is fighting a rather severe battle that you don’t know anything about. Sometimes paying a small kindness to someone will make their day; perhaps even month. But, if your gut is telling you they pose a threat to you, then stay away from…

Stranger Danger

Officer Friendly taught you this, didn’t he? Or she? Perhaps your parents explained the perils of strangers luring you into cars with candy, or telling you that your parents are in the hospital and they are giving you a ride to see them. If you get into that car, you’ve just been…

Taken For a Ride

That’s right, and I’m not talking about the type of car ride where dogs like to stick their heads out of the window.

No.

You’ve been schooled. You had the wool pulled over your eyes; a smelly, moth infested wool blanket was pulled over your head and you were unexpectedly taken advantage of. This is where your gut didn’t pay off, did it?

Riding On Someone’s Coattails

ridecoattailsYou probably know him. Or her. The individual that came from a well-to-do family, never had to fill out a job application or pound on doors for a job because they already had one waiting for them. Now they feel entitled. They do the job given to them, but don’t try to improve upon their lives by doing something worthy they can call their own. Oh, my gosh. Am I…

Slinging Mud

I would rather sling shit like monkeys do. It looks funnier and provides a lasting aroma. This is where the metaphor

What Goes Around Comes Around

Or, what I like to call, karma. You may not know exactly when karma hits the one who has taken you for a ride, but when you do find out, a….

Shit Eating Grin

Comes across your face. I don’t know what to say about this one because eating shit doesn’t make you grin. However, flinging it would be fun as long as you wear rubber gloves. Speaking of rubber…

When Rubber Hits the Road

It’s time to take off and go with it. There is no looking back. The choice you made is what you have to follow through with, orrubberhitstheroad as my mother used to say…

You Made Your Bed; Now Lie In It.

In a nutshell, there is a point of no return when it comes to metaphors. They can be used as a smoking gun, slippery slope, melting pot, or poisoned pill. Metaphors can leave you jumping for joy, kicking the bucket, or selling snake oil, you son of a gun.

Metaphors can make you see pink elephants, dodge silver bullets, get on your soapbox, or fight to the bitter end.

All I know is that right now, I’ve written so many metaphors in this blog post, I just need make a run for it and go on a bender. But, slow and steady wins the race and I won’t risk being three sheets to the wind.

At the end of the day (Oh. My. God. Will. It. EVER. Stop??), Love is a battlefield (thank you, Pat Benatar). That song is music to my ears; even though I can’t fucking hear it.

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