I have one son, Matt. I have two step-son’s, Dave and Nick. They are all young adult men ranging from 22 – 19.
It’s really not that bad, folks. But, that’s only because they don’t live with us.
I was fondly recalling Matt growing up the other day and thinking of a few things I don’t miss, and then a few things I don’t miss.
Let me explain.
I’m glad I had a boy rather than a girl because my patience level–although much better than what it was several years ago–would not have allowed my so-called daughter to live past the age of six, or sixteen. Take your pick.
The advantages of having boys is primarily due to the fact that they are easier to raise than girls. Why?
There’s no drama.
Boys don’t cry when their favorite team loses a championship. They yell, scream, bang tables and may be break a few things, but they don’t cry.
Girls will cry a mascara-laden river until the sun comes up; especially if it has to do with a celebrity.
So, basically, boys don’t cry unless they break up with their first serious girlfriend, or lose playing an online game like World of Warcraft.
There is also no standing in long lines in 90 degree heat at an amusement park while waiting to spend five seconds with your favorite Disney princess. It saves me the agony of looking at some guy’s hairy back with a tattoo that was badly removed. He had “Barbara” tattooed on his left shoulder, but it remained, “Ba.”
At least the tattoo artist could have drawn a sheep on there.
That would be baaaaaaaaaad.
I will agree that some boys may want to wait in line to see Captain Hook or Aladdin. My son was interested in seeing Pluto and there was no line for Pluto.
Boys don’t care about what they wear in the morning until they get into high school. There are no tantrums about unavailable shirts because they are in the wash. Most boys would be quite content to just put their shirt on and spray some Febreeze on it.
I think a lot of guys still do that because they don’t have time for laundry.
I don’t think boys change their sheets either. I know at least my kid didn’t until I told him he’d get bed bugs. I laid down on his bed in college one time, (yes…ONE TIME), and I thought I was going to pass out from the fumes. Between the sweat, natural body oils, and who else knows whatever else was on there, it made me feel like I was lying in a petri dish.
Do girls change their sheets? Please tell me they do.
Boys can either be shameless pigs, or extremely anal about organization. It’s a 180 swing and I’ll attribute that to genes. I think girls are the same way. So, we’re even there.
Boys don’t know what a hamper is. Boys also don’t know that there is a toilet paper dispenser in every single bathroom on the planet, yet they will never, EVER put the toilet paper roll on the dispenser.
Boys also know that there is a dishwasher in most kitchens, yet they will leave their dirty glasses on every wooden surface in the house. On the flip-side, they often become taller than you so that they can reach the items above the refrigerator. They will also be able to lift heavy items and carry in all the grocery bags from your car in one trip.
Some girls don’t know how to grocery shop.
Some girls don’t know how to cook.
The same can be said for boys, but Matt knows how to grocery shop because he doesn’t want to starve to death. He also knows how to cook because I taught him to make scrambled eggs at the age of two.
I’m kidding. I wouldn’t put my kid near a kitchen stove at such a young age. I waited until he was three.
As boys get older they like dirty humor. This is good, because I do too. Here’s one, and oh, by the way, this is an actual product and will be out this fall:
So, I’m glad I have boys in my life and not girls. I really don’t have the time for girls or all that drama, screaming, beauty tips and “Does this make my butt look big?” questions over and over. Instead, we can swear, laugh, and teach them how to use the damn toilet paper dispenser.