I was thinking.
(uh-oh…..)
Dave and me were wine tasting last night. I’m not sure how we get on these subjects, but if I ever figure it out, it will be an epic novel–number one on the New York Times best seller list.
Dave had said the line from Silence of the Lambs, “It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.”
Me: And, you’ll get a moth cocoon shoved down your throat.
Dave: How does someone audition for a part like that? I mean, it’s not like they would have experience in making women’s clothing out of skin.
Me: Can you imagine the auditions? Here’s the director talking really fast–like
he’s on speed–and he’s chain-smoking. Sitting behind his desk, the actors who are auditioning for Buffalo Bill, the serial killer who uses women’s skin to make himself an outfit to desperately look like a lady, walk in one by one. The director says, “Okay. Here’s the scene. The chick is in the well, right? You need to look completely perverted and disinterested at the same time, got it?
Actor 1: Um. Yeah.
Director: Aaaaaand…..ACTION!
Actor 1: It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.”
Director: Okay. Try the same line, but be pissed at the chick in the well. Start swearing at her. Aaaaaaand….ACTION!
Actor 1: PUT THE FUCKING LOTION IN THE BASKET!
Director: Not bad. Let’s do one more scene. Sit over by that desk with the mirror and makeup. Put on the makeup.
Actor 1: But, I don’t….
Director: It sits by the dresser and puts on the makeup. Aaaaaand……ACTION!
Actor 1 applies makeup hideously to his face like a clown.
He gets the part.
After the movie is a blockbuster hit, the actor who played Buffalo Bill now has this attribute on his resume. So, when his next audition comes up, he can proudly say he was a serial killer who liked to skin women’s backs and shove moth cocoons down their throats.
That is all. Enjoy your weekend. I’ll be looking for moths…
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