Really? Part 3

When I go onto Pinterest I see things that just make my jaw drop open.

All of this stuff is being concocted from our little brains and being sold for various purposes. Some of which are obvious, and others to which at first, I thought were sexual devices.

Here is part 3 of when I see something on Pinterest all I can say is, “Really?”

Plastic Head Squirrel Feeder

This made me laugh only because we have so many squirrels in our backyard, we use a BB gun to get rid of them. Don’t call me a hater or animal abuser. These numb- skulls literally squawk at my dogs – teasing them from atop a tree because squirrels are smart: They know dogs can’t climb trees. They eat our bird food which is specifically there for cardinals, and they leave walnut shells for my bare feet to step on allowing me to evoke four letter words that echo throughout the ‘hood. I would love nothing better than to get a squirrel in that plastic head and shoot it with a BB gun. DING!!!!!

Cammo Crocks

Crocks are the best shoe.

Said no one ever. When I think of Crocs I think of dirty, smelly, sweaty feet that have been encased in plastic with holes in them. It’s the equivalent of walking around with Ziploc bags on your feet and cutting holes in them (add some toilet paper for cushion).

Yes, I’ve thought very deeply about this.

“Croc People Inventors” have done something worse. In addition to all the colors of the rainbow that crocs are available, they  now have made cammo crocs. Who the hell would wear cammo crocs unless you wear cammo ALL THE TIME, and that alone tells me you aren’t right in the head. And, to add insult to injury, cammo is supposed to you know, hide things. But the “Croc People Inventors” decided to add bright orange soles to the bottom of the supposedly invisible shoe. I bet that’s a crowd pleaser to draw gunfire toward yourself when you’re supposed to be invisible with all that fucking cammo you’re wearing.

Brass Knuckle Taser

While you’re wearing your Cammo Crocs to hide from the bad guys, get yourself equipped with a brass knuckle taser that blasts 950,000 volts of electricity through your attackers limbs.

That’s right folks. I think everyone should own one of these specialty items. Not only can you knock the person out, but electrocute him (or her) as well. I bet they won’t insult you for wearing those cammo crocs anymore. And, if you can get your fist near that squirrel while you’re at it……….

The Face Slimmer Exercise Mouth Piece

Ok. Now, you ladies know what I’m thinking. When I saw this picture I immediately felt like I had to take a shower and wipe the dirtiness off of me. I suppose this contraption can be used for many things, possibly even an Olympic sport. However, it’s a genuine article to slim your face. I would also think you can use it to chug a bud light in no time flat, among other things.

Art Masterpiece

I stumbled across this gem at art.net. Yes, this person actually is selling this magnificent piece of a kindergarten sketch (although it’s not made by a kindergartner) under the “Fine Art” category.

Truth be told, I sat for this piece. It looks like me when I get out of bed after I’ve had a rough night. Spooky how lifelike it looks.

 

 

Glow In The Dark Toilet Paper

Genius. Pure Genius. Now, I don’t have to keep smacking the roll of toilet paper to find where the

end starts when I’m half asleep stumbling to the bathroom. It’s bad enough I need to find the toilet, but now, thanks to glow in the dark toilet paper, I won’t have a problem wiping my ass. My only question is will my ass glow as a result of wiping it with glow in the dark toilet paper???

 

 

 

No, I’m Not a Clown – This is Vogue

It’s not Halloween yet. Nope. This is vogue. The eye patch is what really caught my eye (no pun intended). It can be used together with the brass knuckle taser. After you punch them in the face and electrocute them with 950,000 watts of electricity, you can give them a headbutt with your spike infused eye patch.

Now that’s safety, folks.

 

Bacon Toothpaste

For all you bacon lovers, you can now rid yourself of minty fresh breath and have people remark that they’ve sworn they were just kissed by a pig.

Bacon toothpaste has made its way into the mass market. I just hope there aren’t chunks of bacon in the toothpaste because then they would have to invent bacon floss.